How To Create Healthy Boundaries
Updated: Mar 7, 2021
Genuine connections are so special and staying plugged into them means being intentional with your time. It's hard to come by considerate , consistent, and reliable people so if you have them in your life, share your gratitude and appreciation often.
It's okay to disconnect from the people, places and things that are forced, inconsistent, and one sided. Boundaries feel so hard when you're used to putting everyone else before yourself and they were always necessary. Without them, you'll feel anxious, depressed, alone, exhausted and taken advantage of.
The more self aware you become and conscious of how valuable the energy inside of you is, the more thought you will give to where and who you pour it out to in life. It is healthy to check in and always work on ourselves and remind yourself that your energy is valuable and that you will only pour into genuine connections. The rest is not worth your time, worry or concern.
Your boundary need not be an angry electric fence that shocks those who touch it...It can be a consistent light around you that announces:
"I will be treated sacredly."
- Jaiya John
This is a topic that I plan on expanding upon more and also including in upcoming podcast episodes, where myself and others will talk more about creating healthy boundaries with yourself, relationships, friendships, family, partners, co-workers etc. I've been working on my mental health in virtual therapy and I have made a lot of progress creating boundaries with and for myself which, to give you an idea....look like this:
Having a bedtime
Deciding what my maximum amount of time I dedicate to work each week looks like.
Setting limits on my amount of screen time (tv, social media, phone)
Having an amount of time per week where I do a fun workout or move my body by stretching, walking or dancing.
Meditate daily (which could be using the Calm app or following a meditation on YouTube or simply sitting outside with a cup of matcha, golden milk or tea listening to the birds chirp and meditate as I look up at the sky)
Going to doctors appointments (this has been a big deal for me - as I'm sure it has been for others, but I was having severe anxiety and panic attacks deciding if I was going to follow up on check ups, an MRI (for a hepatic hemangioma) or getting blood drawn during a pandemic. I always ask the doctors office to call me in from my car when a patient room is ready, so I don't have a panic attack in the waiting room.)
Don't apologize for your priorities. If it's important to you, be proud of it and don't apologize for it.
There may be situations where you may feel the urge to dampen the importance of your priorities because others don't understand or value what you prioritize. Don't worry, it's natural. In fact, as human beings, there is sometimes a pull that encourages us to make others feel comfortable even at our own expense. Whenever you feel the urge to apologize for your priorities, remember that YOU matter and YOU are of value. Protect your mental health and well being.
Things You Don't Need To Apologize For
Setting boundaries that protect your peace of mind
Not responding to things not worth your energy
Prioritizing your selfcare
Disappointing people when you do prioritize your selfcare
Outgrowing people, places, things
Outgrowing parts of yourself
Ending a toxic friendship or relationship
Following your dream
Telling the truth
Delay in your response
Asking for clarification
Crying / Showing emotion
Asking for attention
Now, finish this sentence on your own:
"I'm done apologizing for _____________________________________."
To be clear, unless you've done something intentionally wrong or intentionally hurt someone, stop apologizing.
I'd like to thank YOU. Yes, you the one reading this. I'd like to say a big thank you for your continued engagement. I am so thankful for you being here. Writing (or typing, as it were) has been so therapeutic for me and it makes me so happy to hear from you. Let me know if the above resonates with you in the comments section below. I love hearing from you!