Understanding Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

I was formally diagnosed with clinical Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) during the pandemic, though it hadn’t come out of nowhere. For years, I’d had a lingering sense that something wasn’t quite right, that OCD might be part of my experience, but it wasn’t until that period, when everything intensified, that it became undeniable + finally put into words.

OCD is an anxiety disorder that goes far beyond the way it’s often portrayed in everyday conversation.

People sometimes joke about being “so OCD” when describing a tidy room or an organized desk. In reality, OCD is not about neatness or preference, it’s a complex mental health condition that affects thoughts, emotions + daily functioning.

OCD involves persistent, intrusive thoughts (obsessions) + powerful urges to perform certain behaviors (compulsions). These experiences aren’t habits or personality quirks; they are distressing, unwanted + often driven by anxiety. Symptoms can disrupt routines, relationships + overall well-being, creating a sense of losing control over one’s own mind + actions.

Because of this, casual misuse of the term can feel frustrating for those who live with it. Words like “organized” or “particular” are usually more accurate + don’t minimize what OCD actually is.

It’s also important to distinguish OCD from Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD). Despite similar names, they are different conditions.

OCPD is a personality disorder marked by a deep need for order, perfectionism + control, often at the expense of flexibility + efficiency. Common traits include rigid thinking, intense focus on rules + details, overcommitment to work + difficulty adapting to change.

I began taking my mental health seriously in March 2020, at the start of COVID lockdowns. Between the uncertainty of the pandemic + my struggles with OCD, anxiety, panic attacks + depression, virtual therapy felt like a manageable starting point.

For years, I avoided therapy. Part of me resisted the vulnerability it requires + part of me feared having to repeatedly start over if I didn’t connect with the right therapist. That process felt exhausting before it even began.

Thankfully, I was matched with someone I connected with immediately. I’ll share more about that experience + resources for finding support in a future post. For now, I’ll just say this: help exists + you don’t have to navigate things alone. Recently, I’ve been focusing on setting + maintaining personal boundaries. It’s an ongoing process.

Some boundaries I’m practicing include:

• Logging off + not responding to messages after a certain time

• Saying no to things that feel misaligned

• Pausing before reacting when I feel triggered

• Being mindful of time spent on social media

• Allowing myself to rest without guilt

  
  

For most of my life, I leaned toward holistic approaches to healing. I still value them, but I’ve also come to see the role of conventional medicine. Ideally, both can work together.

It took time for me to feel comfortable trying medication, but during the pandemic my symptoms intensified to a point where I wanted additional support. I started taking Zoloft + it has made a meaningful difference. Even so, medication isn’t a complete solution, I continue to rely on therapy + daily habits to manage my symptoms.

After my recent diagnosis, my brother shared a general post about delayed mental health diagnoses. The responses were eye-opening. Several people described experiencing symptoms for years, often since childhood, without understanding what they were dealing with. Many didn’t receive a diagnosis until adulthood, sometimes after reaching a crisis point. Reading those stories made me reflect on my own early experiences.

As a child, I remember feeling deeply distressed when things were moved or altered. One moment that stands out involved a friend rearranging items on my desk. My reaction, intense anger + overwhelm, felt disproportionate, even at the time. Looking back, it makes more sense now.

There were other moments like that, times when my emotional responses didn’t seem to match the situation. Much of it stemmed from a need for control or a fear I didn’t yet know how to express.

As a teenager, I watched Mad Love, starring Drew Barrymore + Chris O’Donnell. Although it portrayed bipolar disorder rather than OCD, it was one of the first times I saw mental illness depicted in a way that felt human + real.

Through therapy, I’ve been able to connect many past experiences to OCD. My symptoms gradually became more intense, though it wasn’t always visible to others, especially when I was living away from home.

When I moved back during the pandemic, everything became more apparent. Seeing those struggles up close was difficult for my family, but it also created an opportunity for more honest conversations + understanding.

Research shows that women experience anxiety disorders at nearly twice the rate of men, which highlights the importance of early awareness + support.

Some common signs of OCD include:

• Intrusive, distressing thoughts

• Repetitive behaviors or mental rituals to reduce anxiety

• A need for things to feel “just right”

• Repeated checking or reassurance-seeking

• Difficulty concentrating due to persistent thoughts

• Interference with daily life, work, or relationships

  
  

At its core, OCD operates as a cycle: obsessive thoughts create anxiety, compulsions provide temporary relief + then the thoughts return, starting the process again.

For me, compulsions often developed as a way to create a sense of control during times of fear or uncertainty.

Common triggers included:

• Conflict or tension

• Trouble sleeping

• Health-related fears

• Stressful life events

  
  

During the pandemic, several intense experiences heightened these triggers, including my parents’ health issues + emergency situations that left me feeling powerless.

I was also diagnosed with Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD), which can amplify emotional + behavioral symptoms. Together, PMDD + OCD made certain periods especially difficult. Medication has helped reduce the intensity of both.

Some of the compulsions I’ve worked through include:

• Constant organizing + cleaning, sometimes to the point of exhaustion

• Replaying past situations + analyzing them repeatedly

• Fixating on traumatic memories

• Excessive sanitizing

• Performing rituals tied to safety or fear

• Working to the point where productivity became compulsive rather than intentional

  
  

These behaviors were attempts to manage anxiety, even when they interfered with daily life.

I’m still learning + I plan to share more about what has helped me, especially strategies from therapy that have made a difference. I’m deeply grateful for the support I’ve received from my family, doctor + therapist along the way.

If any part of this resonates with you, consider reaching out to a qualified professional. Everyone’s experience is different + what works for one person may not work for another, but support is available.

My goal in sharing this is simple: to raise awareness + encourage more open conversations about mental health.