Chocolate Milk and Jelly Donut - A Love Story

Our Love Story started 48 years ago in a Manhattan office building where I first met the love of my life. We worked in the same data processing department several hundred feet from one another, separated by a long hallway and a glass partition. Each day at around 9am a coffee cart arrived with miscellaneous breakfast items. My daily choice was a chocolate milk and a jelly donut...I know, I know...don’t judge! That is where I saw Joyce, a blue-eyed blond beauty

who was waiting to select an item from the cart.

Love at first sight may be a term that is often used, but the first thing that came to my mind when I saw Joyce was that she was way out of my league. A beautiful woman like that would be a dream come true for me!

I asked around to several of her co-workers and low and behold she was interested in meeting with me! I finally worked up the courage to speak with her and we decided to meet on the weekend. I purchased Broadway tickets and made dinner reservations not leaving anything to chance and making the best impression that I could.

We sat at dinner and learned so much about one another that it was like we knew each other forever! Joyce lived in central New Jersey and we continued to talk for the next hour and a half as I drove her home.

After I dropped her off and I drove back home, all I could think about was that after all these years, I knew that she was the one. The woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

We were married one year later on April 20, 1974 and we have two amazing children and three incredible grandchildren.

A chocolate milk and jelly donut daily ritual allowed me to meet the woman of my dreams and today we celebrate 48 wonderful years together.

Happy Anniversary Sweetie 💕

Helping Someone During a Panic Attack

I have had panic attacks in private and in public and both are scary because you don't always know when they are going to happen or when they will subside. The people around you don't always know what to do to support you through one. I haven't had a panic attack in quite awhile as I have worked with a therapist one on one, I've participated in group therapy and I have learned various techniques that help. I "did the work" as they say and I could not be prouder and happier with myself.

As I recall, the first panic attack I had as a young adult was when I was going through a depression and I found myself rocking myself back and forth on my bed to soothe myself through the panic attack. I didn't know what it was at that time and I couldn't stop the rocking and I couldn't stop the crying.

That was a real turning point in my life that my feelings were deeper than just being sad, upset or overwhelmed. I was literally frozen and stuck in a zone rocking myself back and forth until I basically "came down" from this panic attack.

I was living in my own apartment in Florida at the time and luckily, my parents were nearby and came to help. They gently spoke to me telling me I was going to be alright, to breathe, held my hand and helped calmed me. I was so mad at myself for letting them see me look like this.

There is a lot of shame too with having mental disorders and mental health and I'd like to say (pardon my French.....) FUCK IT.

• LET'S WORK ON OURSELVES.

• LET US NOT BE SELF CONSCIOUS OR EMBARRASSED.

• LET US NOT BE SCARED OR ASHAMED TO ASK FOR HELP.

• EVERYONE COULD USE THERAPY NO MATTER HOW HAPPY YOU ARE OR THINK YOU ARE.

• THERAPY HELPS US HAVE BETTER CONNECTIONS WITH ONE ANOTHER.

Another time, I started not really going outside as much which was quite sad, because I lived in Florida at the time and missed so many beautiful days full of sunshine. I would just go in the backyard, ride my bike around the neighborhood, go to the local pool and that was pretty much it. After a few months, I went with my parents to Disney Springs which is a huge shopping and entertainment complex.

As we were walking through the crowds, I suddenly started hyperventilating and crying. It was the most embarrassing thing in the world to be a grown woman experiencing a panic attack like that in public. I was pushing through the crowd and looking for the nearest bathroom.

I finally found a bathroom and darted inside, rushed over to the sink at the end of the bathroom and kept splashing cold water on my face. My Mom found me inside the bathroom and I just told her to keep calm and that I was "fine". We ended up leaving and finding a quieter place to have dinner. I felt so stupid, embarrassed and upset that I ruined our beautiful evening together.

Another stand out public panic attack was during the pandemic and we had family come over as their kitchen was being remodeled ( due to mold ) so, we asked them to have dinner at our house. I was excited to see them but also anxiety ridden and beyond nervous since we still didn't know much about Covid, but we knew that masks were helping. I focused most of my energy on making the dinner (cooking & baking always relaxes me) but all I could focus on was that some family members were not wearing a mask and they were getting close to my parents when they were talking. Looking back now with the help of therapy, I would have communicated how I was feeling and that having a mask on would have helped.

I felt like I was the odd one out, trying to have a good time, be cool, be calm (especially in front of our littlest cutest family members) but worried the whole entire time. I went inside my room to gather myself since I was starting to sense a panic attack coming on - at that point though, our littlest cutest family members were looking for me and wanted to know why I was in my room. I just needed a minute to lay down, breathe and collect myself. Before, I knew it they had gone home. I felt so sad, mad at myself and just plain awful. Those few minutes, I didn't think anyone would notice I was in the middle of something, since there were other people around to visit with one another. At that time, I was still early in my therapy, and just starting to learn how to deal with anxiety and panic attacks. I was still not able to explain to my loved ones how to help me through a panic attack. I also didn't know how to ask for someone to advocate for me to explain what was going on at that moment.

Especially during Covid and this pandemic, I have not only been that way just around family, it affected me even when our neighbors or someone talking to my parents at the store would get too close to them.....or if we got an unexpected knock on our door, I would straight up PANIC. One day, I remember my mom and I decided to bring out folding chairs near the golf course to get fresh air. Suddenly, there was a woman walking towards us. Naturally, I figured she was walking past us towards her car or on her afternoon walk. But it didn't feel quite right, since we were sitting on the edge of a HUGE golf course and she had plenty of room to walk elsewhere. It was obvious we were social distancing.

She actually DID come up to us, VERY CLOSE and said, "It's okay, I don't have Covid, you can take your mask down." I was livid. What? Why? Huh? What gives someone the right to tell us what to do? We aren't hurting anyone sitting here, we aren't invading HER space (like she did to us) and we certainly are not as GROWN ASS ADULT WOMAN telling her what to do ("....you can put your mask down." Come again? I was literally about to tell Marge / Karen or whatever her name was to go (pardon my French) f*ck herself and we are quite aware of what we can do with our masks. Thank you very much.) I just said to her very matter of fact, "We are fine as we are enjoying ourselves. Please don't get any closer. I have anxiety." It was the first time I said it out loud to a stranger.

This stanger interrupting and coming right up to us, left me with a racing heart, mad and bewildered. Invading our space and enjoyment. And then, as my heart stopped racing, we laughed hysterically at the absurdity and stupidity of this woman. I gave myself grace, because after all we are living in a pandemic but SOME PEOPLE JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND BOUNDARIES .......pandemic or not.

Perhaps to some people I could even appear rude when in fact, I remove myself from situations that made me feel in danger, threatened or that a panic attack is about to come.

As I said in my previous blog post about being diagnosed with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (read it HERE) , I was "Miss. Holistic" ever since I can remember. I didn't take pharmaceuticals and I ate healthy. I always knew that this was bigger than me to figure out on my own, especially since it was getting the better of me during a FREAKING PANDEMIC and in front of my family and strangers, so I knew I needed to DO THE WORK.

I worked on myself, like I never had before. With one on one therapy that (literally saved my life and I will talk about more in a future post) and with my amazing parents and brother's support.

I also finally decided to give Zoloft a try. I was never talked into taking anything but I spoke to other people who had been diagnosed with OCD, Anxiety Disorder & Panic Disorder and they had said it helped them so much. For me, and this is just me personally, I have not had any debilitating panic attacks since therapy and taking Zoloft.

Sure, every now and again, I feel a sense of panic, but I know how to deal with it much better now and my loved ones know how to help as well. For my own mental health, I don't engage in any conflict with others. If people cannot talk calmly and rationally, then I have no choice but to remove myself from these types of people and situations. Gaslighting (which I will discuss in a future blog post) is a big thing that I've read extensively about and discussed in therapy. I am aware of when it is happening now and I simply remove myself from people that are "gaslighters" whether it be walking out of the room, leaving or blocking them on my phone. Gaslighting can be a big trigger to a panic attack.

Now that you have a glimpse into my life, I hope that it helps you and you share this post with others. Below, you can educate yourself and learn how to help and support others during a panic attack.

Helping Someone During a Panic Attack

If someone you know has a panic attack, he or she may become very anxious and not think clearly. You can help the person by doing the following:

• Stay with the person and keep calm.

• Offer medicine if the person usually takes it during an attack.

• Don't make assumptions about what the person needs. Ask.

• Speak to the person in short, simple sentences.

• Be predictable. Avoid surprises.

• Help slow the person's breathing by breathing with him or her or by counting slowly to 10.

It is helpful when the person is experiencing a panic attack to say things such as:

• "You can get through this."

• "I'm proud of you. Good job."

• Tell me what you need now."

• Concentrate on your breathing. Stay in the present."

• It's not the place that is bothering you; it's the thought."

• "What you are feeling is scary, but it is not dangerous."

By following these simple guidelines, you can:

• Reduce the amount of stress in this very stressful situation.

• Prevent the situation from getting worse.

• Help put some control in a confusing situation.

You can offer ongoing help as the person tries to recover from panic disorder:

• Allow the person to proceed in therapy at his or her own pace.

• Be patient and praise all efforts toward recovery, even if the person is not meeting all of the goals.

• Do not agree to help the person avoid things or situations that cause anxiety.

• Do not panic when the person panics.

• Remember that it is all right to be concerned and anxious yourself.

• Accept the current situation, but know that it will not last forever.

• Remember to take care of yourself.

This information does not replace the advice of a doctor.

Source: HealthLinkBC

Please let me know in the comments if this post helped you and if you have more to add to this topic.

Understanding Anxiety Disorders and Effective Treatment

Everyone feels anxious from time to time. Stressful situations such as meeting tight deadlines or important social obligations often make us nervous or fearful. Experiencing mild anxiety may help a person become more alert and focused on facing challenging or threatening circumstances.

But individuals who experience extreme fear and worry that does not subside may be suffering from an anxiety disorder. The frequency and intensity of anxiety can be overwhelming and interfere with daily functioning. Fortunately, the majority of people with an anxiety disorder ( like myself ) improve considerably by getting effective psychological treatment.

If you haven't had a chance to read it yet, I talked about my diagnosis with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Anxiety Disorder, Panic Attacks and Depression HERE.

What are the major kinds of anxiety disorders?

What I've learned recently is that there are several major types of anxiety disorders, each with its own characteristics.

• Generalized Anxiety Disorder - People with generalized anxiety disorder have recurring fears or worries, such as about health or finances, and they often have a persistent sense that something bad is just about to happen. The reason for the intense feelings of anxiety may be difficult to identify. But the fears and worries are very real and often keep individuals from concentrating on daily tasks.

• Panic Disorder - Panic disorder involves sudden, intense and unprovoked feelings of terror and dread. People who suffer from this disorder generally develop strong fears about when and where their next panic attack will occur, and they often restrict their activities as a result.

• Phobias - A related disorder involves phobias, or intense fears, about certain objects and situations. Specific phobias may involve things such as encountering certain animals or flying in airplanes, while social phobias involve fear of social settings and public places.

• Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder - OCD is characterized by persistent, uncontrollable and unwanted feelings or thoughts (obsessions) and routines or rituals (compulsions) in which individuals engage to try to prevent or rid themselves of these thoughts. Examples of common compulsions include washing hands or cleaning house excessively for fear of germs, or checking work repeatedly for errors.

• Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - Someone who suffers severe physical or emotional trauma such as from a natural disaster or serious accident or crime may experience PTSD. Thoughts, feelings and behavior patterns become seriously affected by reminders of the event, sometimes months or even years after the traumatic experience.

Symptoms such as extreme fear, shortness of breath, racing heartbeat, insomnia, nausea, trembling and dizziness are common in these anxiety disorders. Although, they may begin at any time, anxiety disorders often surface in adolescence or early adulthood. There is some evidence that anxiety disorders run in families; genes as well as early learning experiences within families seem to make some people more likely than others to experience these disorders.

Why is it important to seek treatment for these disorders?

If left untreated, anxiety disorders can have severe consequences. For example, some people who suffer from recurring panic attacks avoid any situation that they fear may trigger an attack. Such avoidance behavior may create problems by conflicting with job requirements, family obligations or other basic activities of daily living.

People who suffer from an untreated anxiety disorder often also suffer from other psychological disorders; such as depression, and they have a greater tendency to abuse alcohol and other drugs. Their relationships with family members, friends and coworkers may become very strained. And their job performance my decline.

Are there effective treatments available for anxiety disorders?

Absolutely. Most cases of anxiety disorder can be treated successfully by appropriately trained mental health professionals such as licensed psychologists.

Research has demonstrated that a form of psychotherapy known as "cognitive-behavioral therapy" (CBT) can be highly effective in treating anxiety disorders. Psychologists use CBT to help people identify and learn to manage the factors that contribute to their anxiety.

Behavioral therapy involves using techniques to reduce or stop the undesired behaviors associated with these disorders. For example, one approach involves training patients in relaxation and deep breathing techniques to counteract the agitation and rapid, shallow breathing that accompany certain anxiety disorders.

Through cognitive therapy, patients learn to understand how their thoughts contribute to the symptoms of anxiety disorders, and how to change those thought patterns to reduce the likelihood of occurrence and the intensity of reaction. The patient's increased cognitive awareness is often combined with behavioral techniques to help the individual gradually confront and tolerate fearful situations in a controlled, safe environment.

Along with psychotherapy, appropriate medications may have a role in treatment. In cases, where medications are used, the patient's care may be managed collaboratively by more than one provider of treatment. It is important for patients to realize that there are side effects to any drugs, which must be monitored closely by the provider who prescribed the medication.

How can licensed psychologists help someone suffering from an anxiety disorder?

Licensed psychologists are highly trained and qualified to diagnose and treat people with anxiety disorders using techniques based on best available research. Psychologists' extensive training includes understanding and using a variety of psychotherapies, including CBT.

Psychologists sometimes use other approaches to effective treatment in addition to individual psychotherapy. Group psychotherapy, typically involving unrelated individuals who all have anxiety disorders, can be an effective approach to delivering treatment and providing support. Further, family psychotherapy can help family members better understand their loved one's anxiety and learn new ways of interacting that do not reinforce the anxiety and associated dysfunctional behaviors.

Individuals suffering from anxiety disorders may also want to consider mental health clinics or other specialized treatment programs dealing with specific anxiety disorders such as panic or phobias that may be available in their local area.

How long does psychological treatment take?

The large majority of people who suffer from an anxiety disorder are able to reduce or eliminate their anxiety symptoms and return to normal functioning after several months of appropriate psychotherapy. Indeed, many people notice improvement in symptoms and functioning within a few treatment sessions.

The patient should be comfortable from the outset with the psychotherapist. Together, the patient and psychotherapist should develop an appropriate treatment plan. The patient's cooperation is crucial, and there must be a strong sense that the patient and therapist are collaborating well as a team to treat the anxiety disorder.

No one plan works well for all patients. Treatment needs to be tailored to the needs of the patient and to the type of disorder, or disorders, from which the individual suffers. The psychotherapist and patient should work together to assess whether a treatment plan seems to be on track. Patients respond differently to treatment, and adjustments to the plan sometimes are necessary.

Anxiety disorders can severely impair a person's functioning in work, family and social environments. But the prospects for long-term recovery are good for most individuals who seek appropriate professional treatment. People who suffer from anxiety disorders can work with qualified and experienced mental health professional such as a licensed psychologist to help them regain control of their feelings and thoughts and their lives.

Visit the Psychology Help Center HERE for additional information and to find psychologists in your area.

And please reach out to me as well if you need help finding resources or just want to talk.

Source:

A Publication of the American Psychological Association