The 5 Love Languages: How We Give + Receive Love

Have you ever felt like you were clearly showing someone you care + somehow it still didn’t land? Or maybe you’ve thought, “I’m doing everything right....why don’t they feel loved?”That’s where the concept of the 5 Love Languages comes in.

Originally introduced by Dr. Gary Chapman, the idea is simple but powerful: we all give + receive love in different ways. When those ways don’t match up, even the best intentions can miss the mark. When they do match? Connection gets a whole lot easier. Dr. Chapman encourages us to listen for these words or at least a rendition of them:

“When your loved one says ‘I don’t feel loved,’ listen to what they ask for most often, or what they complain about when there is tension in the air. They are telling you how they want to be loved. For instance, ‘you never spend time with me’ is a desire for quality time. Or, ‘would you rub my shoulders’ is a request for physical touch. If you see a pattern, ask them questions about what things you can do to make them feel loved.”

1. Words of Affirmation

For some people, words aren’t just words, they’re everything. If this is your love language, you feel most loved when someone expresses affection verbally. Compliments, encouragement, appreciation + thoughtful messages mean the world to you.

Examples:

• “I’m really proud of you.”

• “I appreciate everything you do.”

• A sweet text out of nowhere just because.

On the flip side, harsh words or lack of verbal acknowledgment can feel especially painful. Silence doesn’t feel neutral, it feels loud.

2. Acts of Service

Actions speak louder than words… literally. People with this love language feel loved when someone does something helpful for them. It’s not about grand gestures, it’s about effort.

Examples:

• Making coffee in the morning

• Running an errand without being asked

• Helping out when they’re overwhelmed

For them, “I love you” looks like showing up + lightening the load. Broken promises or laziness can hit hard here.

3. Receiving Gifts

This one often gets misunderstood. It’s not about materialism, it’s about thoughtfulness.

If this is your love language, a gift represents time, effort + intention. It’s the meaning behind it that matters.

Examples:

• A small souvenir from a trip

• A handwritten note

• Something that says, “I saw this and thought of you”

Forgotten birthdays or thoughtless gifts can feel like being forgotten entirely, even if that’s not the intention.

4. Quality Time

Undivided attention is the ultimate love language. For people who value quality time, love is spelled T-I-M-E. It’s not about being in the same room, it’s about being fully present.

Examples:

• Deep conversations

• Shared activities

• Phones down, eyes up

Distractions, canceled plans, or half-listening can feel like rejection. Presence matters more than perfection.

5. Physical Touch

This love language is all about connection through touch. If this is yours, physical affection is essential, not optional. It doesn’t have to be sexual; it just has to be intentional.

Examples:

• Holding hands

• Hugs

• Sitting close on the couch

Lack of physical connection can feel like emotional distance, even when everything else

seems fine.

Why Love Languages Matter

The real magic of love languages isn’t labeling yourself, it’s learning how to love others better. You might naturally express love one way, while your partner, friend, or family member receives it another way. Neither is wrong, they’re just different. Understanding that difference can reduce misunderstandings, resentment + that “why isn’t this working?” feeling.

Love languages apply to:

• Romantic relationships

• Friendships

• Family dynamics

• Even workplace relationships

Love isn’t one-size-fits-all. What makes you feel loved might not be what makes someone else feel the same way + that’s okay. When we take the time to learn each other’s love languages, love becomes less about guessing + more about intention. And honestly? That effort alone speaks volumes.